


Is It So Wrong?

by Lize



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Self-indulgent fluff, louis cries a lot, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 01:14:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lize/pseuds/Lize
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis was on edge after a stressful day of being a member of the world's biggest boy band. He didn't mean to take it out on Harry, but he did, and now Harry's missing and Louis's close to breaking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is It So Wrong?

He didn't know why he'd said it. 

He knew that Harry was only trying to make him feel better, but for some reason Louis couldn't stop the words that flew out of his mouth. He was just so tired, tired of being tired, and tired of pretending he was fine. 

After a long day of appearances, screaming faces and fake smiles everything had just hit him, and all he wanted to do was to go to bed. Of course Harry was having none of that. He called out a greeting when he heard their apartment door slam shut behind Louis, and immediately came to see what what wrong when Louis didn't return it. He'd asked Louis if he was okay but Louis just shrugged and turned to leave the kitchen, not in the mood to deal with Harry's sympathy at 10 o'clock at night.

Before he could take another step he felt Harry's firm grip around his forearm, anchoring him to the spot. 

"Talk to me babe"

He pulled his arm away from Harry, not harshly, but enough that he got the message and let go, a hurt expression taking over his face. Louis tried to conceal how much that affected him. 

"I'm fine Harry. I just want to go to bed."

"Can't you just tell me what happened?"

Louis sighed. "Nothing happened. I'm just tired."

"Well maybe if we-"

"Harry stop." Louis cut him off suddenly, his voice rising in volume as he felt his built up agitation beginning to seep through. "I said I'm fine. Just leave me alone, okay?"

"Okay but-"

"No! No 'but's. God! Why do you always have to be in my business? I don't always want to share everything with you Harry. Sometimes I just want a bit of time for me."

And it was a lie. It was a ridiculous lie, because of course he wanted to share everything with Harry. Harry was his world. Part of him just wanted to rush into Harry's arms and apologise a million times over until the dimples were back in his cheeks, but apparently that wasn't the part controlling his legs and he found himself instead turning and walking away down the corridor. 

Louis kicked off his Vans and jeans, rolling under the covers and flicking off the light. He lay on his back, arms crossed over his chest, and stared at the ceiling.

He didn't know why he'd said it - maybe he was just so sick of having every aspect of his life pried into, every day - but it was too late now. 

 He hated himself for what he'd done to Harry, beautiful Harry who's only fault was that he perhaps cared too much. Louis knew he didn't deserve him, that when it came down to it, maybe he'd be better off with one of the girls he was pictured with in the magazines. Someone who wouldn't be afraid to admit just how much they needed Harry and could treat him the way he deserved. 

He heard a light tap at the door and it swung open slowly, Harry's features framed in the light from the kitchen that illuminated the hallway. He held a mug in each hand and Louis felt sick. Even after the way Louis had spoken to Harry he was still trying to make Louis feel better, when it should be the other way around.

"Lou? Lou I'm really sorry."

"Please don't Harry." He couldn't stand Harry apologising after what had happened, couldn't stand another reason why Harry was too good for him. 

"I- Okay I just... Here's your tea." He strode quickly across the room and sat the cup down on the bedside table. "I'm gonna go for a walk, to um, give you some space." He went to leave the room but paused at the door for a moment before turning around. 

"I love you Lou." 

It was then that Louis noticed the way the light shone off Harry's green eyes as dampness collected in his lashes. His breath caught in his throat and he couldn't even whisper a reply before Harry was gone, his footsteps scuffing quietly as he quickly made his way to the front door. At the sound of it clicking softly closed behind him Louis finally felt his own tears begin to fall.

He couldn't believe himself. What had he done?

Harry was gone and it was all because of his own stupid selfishness and inability to communicate. 

He knew he'd come back, Harry always came back, but in the meantime Louis had forced him out onto the streets, making him feel like he wasn't welcome in his own home. Not that it felt like home. Not really. Not when Harry wasn't there.

He turned on his side, tucking himself himself into a ball, and lay silently as the tears steadily spilled down onto the pillow.

It was about half an hour before he realised he was being selfish again, wallowing in self-pity while Harry walked around in the freezing cold. He flicked the bed-side lamp on and sat up, rubbing a sleeve over his tear-streaked face and steadying his breath in an attempt to calm himself down. He reached for the cup of tea which was now cold, but took a sip from it anyway, as he used his other hand to pick up his phone and tapped Harry's contact, listed with an 'A' at the start to keep him at the top of his list. 

He took another sip as he held the phone to his ear, having no idea what he'd say to the younger boy but knowing that he needed him home now. What he didn't expect was for the phone to ring out. The tears started to fall again at the sound of Harry's voicemail and he quickly hung up before hitting the contact again. He pleaded under his breath for Harry to pick up but had no more luck than the first call. 

On the forth call he didn't hang up when he heard the pre-recorded message begin to play, clearing his throat as he waited for the harsh beep.

"I'm so so sorry Harry. Please come home. I-" he swallowed thickly, "I love you too. Just- please." He spoke the last word as a quiet plea, not knowing what else to say, and waited a few seconds before unwillingly hanging up. 

He continued to call periodically over the next hour, occasionally leaving messages that became more and more desperate the closer it was to midnight. By the time it reached quarter to Louis had abandoned the bedroom in favour of pacing back and forth by the front door, running his fingers through his hair and constantly locking and unlocking his phone. 

It was around this time that Louis began to fear the worst. Surely even if Harry was upset with him he'd at least let him know before spending the night at one of the boys' houses. 

Fearful thoughts began to creep into Louis' mind as he paced faster, thoughts of hold-ups, car crashes, muggings. He'd watched the news enough to know that these things weren't unheard of on the streets of London and suddenly all he could picture was Harry's mangled body lying in some alley, slowly bleeding to death. 

Before he knew what he was doing he had frantically dialled 999 and was babbling about his missing boyfriend to an emergency call operator. As soon as she'd clarified that he'd been gone for barely been an hour and a half, however, she simply reassured him that he'd probably just got caught up and she was sure he'd be home soon. 

"Give us a call you don't hear from him by the morning and we'll see what we can do." 

Louis sank to the ground as the operator hung up and began to shake as sobs wracked his small body, bringing his knees up to his chest and holding them there.

A moment of clarity a few minutes later resulted in him quickly calling each of the boys, probably the first thing he should have done, but none of them had heard anything from Harry since early that afternoon. He even called Nick, a testament to his desperation. He wasn't sure whether to be relieved or even more worried when Nick told him he hadn't seen or talked to Harry since the day before.   

Nick asked him what had happened and he tried to recount in as little detail possible, fully expecting Nick to zone in on his and Harry's fight or perhaps laugh at the way Louis was overreacting. 

"Are you okay?" 

Louis froze, startled by the genuineness of Nick's question. 

"Uh, I mean, not really? I'm just worried that something's happened to him."

"I'm sure he's fine. I mean this is Harold we're talking about. He probably found an all-hours ice-cream parlour and got distracted by trying every flavour to decide if they taste any different at midnight."

Louis gave a watery laugh, although he didn't feel so much comforted as even more desperate. His chest ached as he longed for Harry to come home, his boy and all his quirks.

"I better go. Should at least grab a few hours sleep before work, Breakfast Show and all that."

"Oh yeah, shit! I probably woke you up. Sorry!"

"Nah it's fine. Give the idiot a kick up the bum from me when he comes home."

Louis chuckled. "Will do. Thanks Nick."

"No worries."

He was still sitting on the floor when the call disconnected and he drew his eyes up to stare at the door handle, begging it to move. Now that he'd ran out of people to call he felt even more helpless, chewing on his bottom lip as he once again recalled how awful he'd been to Harry before he left. Tears began to cloud his vision as he pictured Harry's broken expression as he left the room, remembering his unanswered "I love you". 

Maybe, if Louis' earlier premonition was true, he'd never get to say it. Maybe Harry was already gone, never knowing how perfect he was, never knowing how much he was loved, all because Louis was too terrified to admit he was attached. 

He didn't even realise he had been mumbling, choked "I love you"s escaping his lips, perhaps all the ones he'd held back over the years. He blinked furiously, struggling to keep the door in vision as his hands shook and throat clenched. 

Time seemed to pass slowly and it felt like hours later that he dragged himself over so he could lean his head on the wall, small body trembling as the tears continued to fall.

After spending so long staring at the door handle, he was sure he was beginning to hallucinate when it appeared to move, turning slowly. However, the door did proceed to swing open quietly and a familiar head of curls creeped in, not noticing the boy on the floor as he focused on preventing the door from slamming. It wasn't until a wrenching sob escaped his mouth that Harry finally swung around.

"Louis?"

Another sob wracked his body at the sound of Harry's voice which had Harry rushing forward and dropping to his knees, reaching a hand out to cup Louis' cheek.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

He finally began to comprehend that Harry was back, Harry was fine, Harry was home, and he lurched forward and flung his arms around Harry's neck. He clung on tightly as Harry began to rub his back soothingly, shushing him softly.

"Shh Lou it's alright. You're okay. Everything's fine."

When Louis' sobbing had calmed down to muffled whimpers Harry pulled him back slowly, holding his face gently between his hands and thumbing away the tears that hadn't been soaked up by Harry's jumper.

"Can you tell me what happened love?"

Louis glanced down to where he hands were playing with the hem of Harry's top, unwilling to let go of him completely, before looking back into Harry's concerned eyes. 

"I- I thought you were gone," he choked out, throat rubbed raw, "for good."

"Oh Louis," he pulled him back into his chest, fingers stroking his hair softly, "I'm so sorry. You know I could never leave you."

"It was so long, and you wouldn't answer my calls. You always answer my calls, even when you're mad, and I thought-" He gulped, pressing his face deeper into the woollen fabric. "I thought something had happened, I thought you'd been hurt, or, or-" He couldn't continue. It sounded ridiculous now that he'd said it out loud. Overreaction was an understatement and he blushed as he realised how stupid he sounded. 

"Oh my god Lou, I'm so so sorry. I'm an idiot. I forgot my phone. It's still sitting on the sofa, and I thought I'd just go for walk around the block to give you some room, but then I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going -I was so worried about you Lou, and about-" Louis felt him shake his head slightly before continuing on, "and suddenly I realised I had no idea where I was. I kept walking for a bit but I must've been heading in the wrong direction because I didn't recognise anything and when I went to grab my phone to look up a map I realised I didn't have it. 

"Eventually I spotted a pub that was still open and asked the bouncer for directions, but she wasn't sure and had to go ask the bartender and it was a huge mess but eventually we figured out where I needed to go. I came home as fast as I could but it was so far away and I didn't have a phone to call a taxi let alone money to pay the fee.

"I'm so sorry love. I'm fine, I promise. I feel terrible for letting you get so worried."

"S'not your fault."

"Yeah it is Lou, don't be silly."

Louis moved his face back from Harry's chest, brow furrowed as he looked up at him. "I shouldn't have made you feel like you had to leave."

"You're allowed to want time to yourself Louis" Harry slid his hands from Louis back down his arms to where his fingers were still tangled in his jumper, prising them away gently before linking them with his own. "I know I can be overbearing. I just need to learn that you're not like me, you don't need me in every part of your life the way I need you, and that's okay." Louis shook his head frantically. Was that really what Harry thought? That Louis only wanted to allocate him bits of his life like some fucked-up time share?

"That's not- God! That's not true Harry." Harry just looked at him in confusion so Louis continued on. "I was so scared that you weren't coming back, because that would mean I'd never get to tell you I love you too."

"You've told me before Louis. I know that you love me."

"But I hadn't told you today, and I need to tell you every day, because I love you so fucking much that sometimes I can't even breath." Harry smiled softly and his hands tightened on Louis' as he began to tear up again.

"I love you too."

"I know. I know you do. You show me every day, but I don't think you really understand how much I love you. 

"I can't stand that you don't think I want you around, that you think you need to go for a fucking walk because I'm in a shitty mood. I need you all the time Harry, even when I'm sulking, and I do want to share everything with you. I don't even know why I said-" He broke off into another sob and Harry gathered him up in his arms.

"It's okay sweetheart, I know you didn't mean it."

"Stop being so nice," Louis protested weakly.

Harry chuckled and pressed a kiss into his hair. "Never!"

Louis just snuggled deeper into Harry's arms, the long night finally catching up with him as he felt his eyes begin to droop. 

"Why don't we go to bed honey. We can talk more in the morning." Louis just giggled, smiling tiredly up at Harry. "What?" Harry demanded, pouting as Louis laughed again. 

"I like it when you call me that. Makes us sound married." He let his eyes drift shut, but didn't miss the way Harry's face lit up at the comment.

"Well in that case I better carry you over the threshold." 

Louis didn't have time to react before Harry was rearranging him in his arms and standing up, bringing Louis with him. He let out a shriek at the movement, gripping onto Harry's neck as he was suddenly much more awake. Harry laughed and Louis smacked him in the chest, mumbling about how much he hated him as Harry slowly carried him through the apartment. 

Before long, however, the gentle rocking of Harry's gait and the kisses pressed to his forehead mollified Louis, and he curled in closer to Harry's body. He pressed a kiss of his own to where he'd hit Harry, directly over his heart.

"I don't really hate you. I love you a lot," he murmured as Harry nudge the bedroom door open with his foot, walking over to the bed and placing Louis on it. 

"I know Lou. I love you too."

"You shouldn't." By the time his tired self realised he'd spoke the words out loud it was too late and Harry was looking at him curiously.

"What are you talking about Lou?  I don't really have any choice in the matter do I?" He chuckled as he stripped off, climbing onto the bed and pulling the covers over both of them. 

"I just- You deserve better." He shrugged hoping that would be the end of it... but this was Harry.

"Baby no." He pulled Louis over so that they were facing each other, grabbing his face between his hands while Louis determinedly avoided eye-contact. "You have to know that I couldn't wish for anyone more perfect than you. You're like the sun Louis, always bright enough to light up the world around you and- Please look at me love." Louis' eyes flicked up to meet Harry's own; wide, deep and honest. "-And sometimes the sun is covered by a cloud, but that just makes everyone realise how much they miss the sun's warmth, and it seems ten times brighter when the cloud is gone. 

"Nobody could survive without the sun and I couldn't live without my little personal ball of sunshine. You're beautiful Louis, and so wonderful and kind."

"You're kinder," Louis mumbled, although his cheeks were flushed from the compliments and a smile threatened to take over his face.

"Well maybe that's true, but I can't very well date myself can I? So I'll just have to settle for second best."

He winked at Louis who gave his shoulder a small shove, rolling his eyes. "You're terrible!"

"Well, what does a terrible person have to do around here to get a kiss from the beautifulest, wonderfulest, second most kind boyfriend in the world?"

"Those aren't even words you dolt."

"Louisss!"

"Oh fine, fine. Jeez, demanding aren't you?" But he smiled as he lent forward to press his lips to Harry's. He sighed softly into the kiss, finally feeling the last pieces of tension leave his body as their mouths moved gently in sync. He shifted his body closer to Harry's and wrapped an arm around his waist as Harry's fingers tangled in his hair. 

They continued their languid movements, simply enjoying the closeness of each other's company. 

Eventually fatigue began to set in and Harry turned over onto his back, pulling Louis with him so he could use his chest as a pillow, tucked safely under Harry's arm. He returned his fingers to Harry's jumper, gripping on tightly as he was lulled towards sleep by his steady heartbeat. 

"I love you." 

He had to whisper it one last time, knowing he'd said it far too many times today, but at the same time not enough.

"I love you too darling," came the hushed reply, "and I'm never going to leave."

"Good." He gripped Harry even tighter as long fingers carded through his hair. "Because I'll always want you to stay."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I used song lyrics as the title! How shockingly original!  
> So I haven't written much before... at all... and this is my first fic published anywhere. I hope you guys maybe enjoyed it a bit.  
> Btw I have no idea where that Tomlinshaw interaction came from. It just kind of happened. Oh well.
> 
> If you like you can find me on tumblr: [sweetnsourstyles.tumblr.com](http://sweetnsourstyles.tumblr.com)


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